The importance of being authentic and true to yourself
I did my schooling an elite-ish convent (boys) school in Bangalore where kids came from all kinds of backgrounds. However, being a “top” school and that too an all boys school, there was immense peer pressure about being cool, get noticed, be a part of the “tribe” and try seeking validation in whatever way possible.
I think this carried on everywhere - in my undergrad and especially in my MBA days - I saw people always trying to be a version of themselves that was moulded for conformity, being accepted or validated or even appreciated by your peers and to think like your peers (“groupthink” from your OB classes anyone?).
When I was b-school there was this one classmate of mine - let’s call him Akarsh - who was so true to himself that the initial amusement of everyone around him grew to irritattion and bewildered reactions. He didn’t seem to care and his standard reply was “Mai jaise hoon waise hi rahunga”. B-school is the last place on earth to go to if you want to run away from conformism and I personally struggled to balance my own sense of individuality (especially at that age) and wanting to be a part of the various “tribes” be it the party tribes, the xyz committee tribes, the music/sports tribes etc and I am sure I would have done much better if I was more true to myself and not be insecure about wanting to be socially accepted. Hence looking back, I respect him more than I ever did before despite his shenanigans and traits.
This post made on Facebook was towards the latter part of my stint at XLRI where I was definitely a little more “sorted” and where I show the contrast of me being content with my own company at 6 30 AM doing what I like (eating dosas!) while a bunch of juniors (blessed them) engaged in classic conformist behaviour.
At work, we come across people who are difficult to work with and we come across a lot of people who show classic signs of the “imposter syndrome” - the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like "a fraud" or "a phony" and doubting their abilities.
I could never fathom myself falling in this bucket - I would rather underperform than be anxious about my success.
I don’t quite know what the term for this but I could also never fathom how folks could be one of the 300000 employees in a large company but yet take great pride in being an employee- in fact almost behave like a micro-owner of the company if you will.
I’ll bring back this point and the “imposter syndrome” later again.
Over the years, this is where I have realized the importance of being authentic. To me - being authentic is to be true to yourself to the best possible extent and not be bounded by wanting to please others. It is to be able to think, talk, write and act with a sense of self confidence and congruence without wanting to find refuge in the safe corner of conformism.
Being authentic brings me a great level of self assurance now. I no longer seek the same things that once put you in a constant state of insecurity.
A year ago, I listened this episode in the Freakanomics podcast called “How to succeed by being authentic” While the podcast deviates to a lot of other topics, this snapshot would give you the essence.
Why be authentic?
It is the ultimate way to stand out and develop your personality. We may think of skills and competencies as the key to a successful career but it is your personality that is a true differentiator.
Being true to yourself would mean that you spend lesser time and energy on social conformity and other things that bring stress and validation and shape your critical thinking and reasoning, your beliefs and your worldview and become a better version of yourself. For example, I have personally found the self-confidence I feel by being authentic to be a great remedy to the insecurity one feels by always feeling underpaid.
You build better trust, integrity and loyalty with the people you work with - and this holds especially true for managers and leadership members. They appreciate you overtime for being “active” and forthright rather than a burden to be with. Overtime, this build greater synergy and this is when “magical” things happen.
Being authentic make you resilient and boosts your sense of self-worth and confidence tremendously. You then no longer feel that you have the “imposter syndrome” anymore - you take pride in your achievements and you have that confidence of being a problem solver when you run into headwinds.
What does it take to be authentic?
Authenticity isn’t “practised” - it is how you are in a free-flowing natural manner. You may brush some people in the wrong manner and be a little reckless at times but over time, you learn to balance these and be a natural in terms of knowing how to behave and talk with different people and different situations.
You have developed some core values that you stick to throughout - that core value can be anything from being truthful, being a good and kind person etc
I believe your “authentic self” is best moulded if you are self aware and open to constant and continuous improvement - even if this means that you are then exposing yourself to criticism. I definitely need to get better at this.
Remember my example of people who take great pride in being 1 of the 300000 employees in a large company? This can be done by having a sense of purpose that is true to you, connects and resonates with you in that large ecosystem. You then don’t feel like just another employee but someone with a sense of importance.
You need to reflect continuously without fearing self doubt- what do I really care about? I think travel really enhances and accelerates your thinking - just by putting you through a constant state of change. Maybe writing (like what is practiced by yours truly :P) also helps with this.
The most difficult trait would be learning to say “no” when needed and avoid being a conformist.
Finally, with all seriousness- get married (to the right person). Marriage has easily boosted my confidence and made me far more focussed. I don’t have to chase my primal instinct of needing to show my alpha nature to prospect mating partners. And if you are lucky, your partner will make you better version of yourself.
Please allow me to end this blog with a little bit of healthy banter.
